Our gang of friends at work talk about a lot of amusing things at random. Things we often feel we should at least attempt to share with the world. So now I present to you our first attempt and sharing the love. Some of these things are revelations, philosophies, life lessons, and sometimes they’re just plain funny. This story in particular I think contains all of the above.
It all began when we were making fun of one friend in particular for ignoring a girl that we all thought was hitting on him – which in his case he should have been thankful for - and we had no problem sharing this opinion with him. He eventually rage-quit the chat (for a week) and the slurry of metaphors and analogies began.
As I said earlier, we could all agree that he was lucky a girl was even interested him and thus a fact about nerd girls and nerd guys was revealed. As a friend of ours then pointed out. Any guy in our "career" should consider himself lucky if a decent looking nerd girl takes interest in him, the simple reason being the ratio of nerd girls to guys. There are far more guys in our line of business than girls. A nerd girl has her choice of the “cream of the crop” of nerd guys. The rest who aren’t lucky enough to be snared by a nerd girl will die alone.
The fine Doctor then pointed out that everyone in the chat (around 10 people) were probably going to end up alone. And so the curse began… But there was a flaw in his logic. There were three girls and one guy here who were all in relationships. He then modified his curse to include all the people with relationships to have them end at the end of the week. Since he’s a doctor and not a magician this didn’t happen. However that didn’t make his first comment any less true.
People started trying to come up with excuses for not having a girlfriend, and in one case, substituting them with THE STRIP CLUB. The one guy who first suggested this was pretty instantly shot down. And we all began coming up with analogies for Strip Clubs and why there were terrible and would only ensure you die pathetic and alone. And then… I said probably the most brilliant thing I will ever say.
A Strip Club is like jumping into the ocean without knowing how to swim. And as you sink further and further down, you lose more and more oxygen. With less oxygen getting to your brain, the more ok with it you become. Then eventually a mermaid swims by you and takes off her seashell-bra and you think “this isn’t so bad”. Then you die alone at the bottom of the ocean.
Alone…
Alone and forgotten….
I don't truly believe we'll all die alone, but if we're to have an semblance of standards (in terms of mates and in terms of being true to our heritage as nerds) we have to be prepared to spend years at a time single. It's a tough path, but it's the path we've chosen.
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